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Archive for July, 2010

How a teenager copes with Separated Parents Sunday, July 11th, 2010

It can be hard for anyone if their parents decide to split up, however, some people will react worse to the situation than others. Usually, the way in which children or teenagers will deal with this depends on their age at the time in which their parents are splitting up. A lot of teenagers will often cope quite badly if their parents break up and it isn’t uncommon for teenagers to turn to drugs and violence if this happens to them, however, although it is a very hard time, you can deal with it and you might find that it will even make you a better person.

My parents decided to split up when I was around 8 years old and at the time it was a very hard thing to deal with. I am now 18 years old and although it was around 10 years ago when my parents actually split up, I still feel as though it has had a huge effect on my life and the person that I have turned out to be. At the time when this happened I coped quite badly and I was upset for quite a few months after it had happened. Not only was I upset but my school work also suffered as I found myself thinking about what had happened a lot and also missed quite a few days of school.

Coping with separated parents as a teenager is quite hard as, if you are like me, then you will have no real father figure in your life. This means that you will have to figure a lot of things out for yourself during your teenage years and it really makes a difference not having that father figure in your life. Even if it’s just having someone there to watch TV with or go out and have a game of football, you will really notice that it is much harder once they are not in your life.

The best way to cope with having separated parents can often be to focus on the good parts of it. For example, if you are still in contact with your father like a lot of people are, including myself, then it means that you get two lots of birthday and Christmas presents! Although this is little consolation to the hard situation that you are in, at least it is something.

One thing that I have really noticed now that I have grown up a lot and am technically an adult is that I am much more determined to do well for myself. I really don’t think that I would be this determined if my parents had still been together and I guess this is a positive thing. It has also made me much more determined to make my relationships last as long as possible which I guess is also a positive thing.

The thing to realise is that although it is a difficult thing to deal with, especially throughout your teenage years when you don’t have that father figure, is that it will probably completely change the sort of person you are. The thing to make sure of, is that it changes the kind of person you are for the better.

Written by Justin Harrison

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Teaching Your Child to Drive Friday, July 9th, 2010

This could be one of the most difficult things you have ever done. It could also be one of the easiest and one which gives a lot of pride. Teaching your child to drive will give him a great deal of independence and indicate to the world (including his friends and those he wishes to impress) that he is fast approaching adulthood.

Teaching your child to drive, however, could be fraught with pitfalls and difficulties if you are not prepared to be patient, considerate and calm. Therefore before you begin, make sure you have a common understanding that you are in charge, will be patient, civil, encouraging and kind. He needs to also know that you expect him to follow instructions, be calm, civil and enthusiastic. Now, that we have cleared those hurdles, we are ready for the technicalities.

Observe the law. Visit the relevant government department and get a drivers’ training manual and a Learner’s permit. The drivers’ training manual and the car manual are good sources of information on safety, traffic laws, use of the road and the care and familiarization of your motor vehicle. Study with and test your child on his knowledge of these important areas.

Familiarize your child with the controls of the vehicle. He will need to know where the gas pedals, brakes, lights, indicators, dashboard controls, seat adjustment mechanisms etc. are located. Take him through each of these and allow him to handle these aspects of the vehicle from a stationary position. After you are satisfied that he knows where all these are located and their use, you can move on to the stage of starting and stopping. Teach him to drive forward and to stop slowly as well as quickly. Teach him to reverse whilst using the mirrors to assist him as well as looking behind him. Do this in an area where he is unlikely to hit other vehicles or objects, be they stationary or moving.

Parking is next. If it is possible, find a vacant parking lot. Some orange cones to assist at this stage would be helpful. Delineate a parking space and teach your child how to park the car within the lines in a straightforward way. Teach him how to parallel park as well as how to execute a three-point turn. Once he has mastered these areas he will gain a lot of confidence. He will know that he can actually display competence in an area where other accomplished drivers are likely to be present and also assure you that he will not damage his or someone else’s vehicle in parking.

Next, take him on the roads. Find quiet roads on which to drive as this will build his confidence and lower your anxiety. Have your child practice his driving techniques and use of the roads. Teach him to be aware of other motorists and to utilize the hand signals which communicate his actions to other users of the road. Remember, this is a learning exercise, so he may not do everything the way you instruct him at first. For safety sake, keep alert and close to the emergency brake.

Evaluate your child’s progress and pour on the encouragement. Give him as much practice as possible and based on his rate of progress, move on to the next stage of getting his driver’s license. All the very best to the both of you as you teach your child to drive.

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Secondary School Birthday Party Ideas Wednesday, July 7th, 2010

Birthday parties are a great way to create memories and no matter the age, every child loves being the star of their very own production on their birthday. Children who are attending secondary school are old enough to participate in the planning of the party. Make sure to involve them in the selection of a theme and colors, guest lists, food, games and other aspects of the party.

It’s always easier to plan a birthday party if you have selected a theme or a party idea. You may be inspired by your child’s favorite activity, hobby or interest. Speak with your child and find out what theme they would like to have for their party. Do a little research and suggest some ideas of your own.

A very popular idea for secondary school children are sleep over parties. This is likely to involve a smaller number of children than a traditional birthday party. Once you have decided on the precise number of guests, make sure to have adequate sleeping places for your guests. This may mean getting extra sleeping bags into the designated sleeping area. For older girls, a spa sleepover party is sure to be a hit. If your budget allows, you may hire a professional who can treat your guests to manicures, pedicures and hairstyles. If you are unable to afford this, the girls can treat themselves to manicures and pedicures without the help of a professional.

Boys can also have sleep over birthday parties. A movie night with friends is a great idea for teenage boys. Make sure that the movie is age appropriate and one that most or all of his guests have not seen. Have enough finger food including popcorn and try to recreate the setting of a movie theatre. Include other outdoor activities and end with the movie. Follow up in the morning with a big breakfast and your child and his guests are sure to have a good time.

Girls love to dress up. Having a supermodel birthday party will surely make them ecstatic. This idea needs good organization as girls will become runway models who will change a number of outfits and take fabulous glamour shots. Help will be needed to organize and change outfits and to apply make-up. A very special touch to the party would be to print the photographs and include them in their gift bags before the party ends.

For secondary school age children, an amusement park birthday party will provide roller coaster tons of fun. The formalities of cutting the cake and opening presents can be done before or after attending the park. To reduce costs, a picnic lunch may be taken along to provide an alternative to expensive amusement park food.

As you plan your secondary school birthday party, bear in mind your child’s preferences as well as the level of organization required to bring his fantasies to life. Give yourself adequate time and also work out a budget. Enlist the help of friends and family to make sure your child has a super secondary school birthday party.

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Primary School Birthday Party Ideas Monday, July 5th, 2010

Birthday parties are one occasion a child never outgrows. They are a great way to create memories and no matter the age, children love being the center of attention. Primary school is a great time for children to have birthday parties, as it is a time when they are making and cementing new friendships. A birthday party is an excellent way to bring their friends together in a friendly atmosphere where your child is the star attraction. A successful birthday party will be a talking point at school and will sharpen your child’s socialization skills.
Children who are attending primary school are old enough to participate in the planning of the party. Make sure to involve them in the selection of a theme and colors, guest lists, food, games and other aspects of the party. The party idea selected should engage the children in some physical activity that is entertaining and brings them together.
A great primary school birthday party idea is an alphabet party. There can be many variations on this theme. A simple idea however is to choose an initial from the birthday child’s name. Invite all his friends to come dressed in a costume starting with that initial. So for instance a child whose name starts with ‘M’ could have an ‘M’ party.
Boys are likely to have a great time with an Army party. Invitations can be sent out as draft notices officially recruiting them to attend the birthday party. Rewards in the form of medals of honor can be given to the soldiers and they can also be promoted through the ranks on the basis of their performance in games and physical activities including basic army drills. Of course, all the decorations, gift bags and food will reflect army life and camouflage will abound! Dog tags are a great way to identify the guests.
Girls love to dress up. Having a supermodel birthday party will surely make them ecstatic. This idea needs good organization, as girls will become runway models who will change a number of outfits and take fabulous glamour shots. Help will be needed to organize and change outfits and to apply make-up. A very special touch to the party would be to print the photographs and include them in their gift bags before the party ends. If you are unable to print the pictures to include in the guests’ gift bags, you could include them in your thank you notes.
An international party is a great way to introduce your child to other cultures of the world. Choose at least four (4) countries for your child and his guest to ‘travel’ to at their party. Select decorations, food and costumes for guests to wear based on the selected countries. Activities can also be based on the country selected – for example, a visit to England will see the guests having tea and scones; a visit to India and guests can have their hands painted with henna and so on.
As you plan your primary school birthday party, bear in mind your child’s preferences as well as the level of organization required to bring his fantasies to life. Give yourself adequate time and also work out a budget. Enlist the help of friends and family to make sure your child has a super primary school birthday party.

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A Guide on Children with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Saturday, July 3rd, 2010

As kids, we loved to arrange our M&M chocolates by color. Then we also had fun grouping triangles, squares and circles. Those were remnants of our nursery school activities. After a while, we outgrew that compulsion to group things by color or shape.

However, some kids do not outgrow that desire to arrange things. As they grow older it becomes an obsession. Before they know it, their everyday life is affected by OCD–or obsessive compulsive disorder.

An American study showed that three percent of school children have full-blown OCD. Aside from that, 19 percent have milder OCD. Even new mothers can become victims of OCD. This stems from a new mother’s fear that she may harm her baby. Because of that fear, the mother has to constantly check how her child is doing even if there’s no sense to that action anymore.

Up to now, experts cannot really pinpoint the exact cause of OCD. However, there are findings that point to a possible role of the brain chemical serotonin. Others claim that OCD could be genetically passed on through generations.

Obsession versus Compulsion

Obsessions are persistent senseless thoughts. For instance, one can be thoughts afraid of the number 13. A person may be paranoid about getting stuck in an elevator. A housewife may constantly fear intruders or an office employee may constantly fear that his computer files might be damaged by a computer bug.

On the other hand, compulsions are repeated rituals. You may arrange and re-arrange your socks in the closet until you get sleepy doing so. A girl may spend hours putting on nail polish, removing. it then putting it on again. Your mother may not be able to eat without bringing a plate of bread-crumbs for the stray birds in your garden and so on…

Is It OCD Or Just A Harmless Ritual? Kids naturally develop rituals. That is part of their need to master certain skills. It also gives certain skills. It also gives them a sense of control. OCDs are different in the sense that the things people with OCD do are senseless and/or excessive. A child who insists on being read a fairy tale before bedtime is just enjoying a ritual. But a child who insists on the same story (or even the same page) over and over again may already have mild OCD. The disorder can stick until the child grows up. In other people, the disorder resurfaces in another form. For instance, a well-known showbiz personality admitted that he could not eat if the spoon and fork do not match! This example shows that OCD can greatly affect a person’s everyday life. In this case, it is advised that the person seek professional help because such serious cases of OCD do not only limit the person himself but even the people he lives with and relates to.

Posted in Mental Health | No Comments »

Pre-school Birthday Party Ideas Saturday, July 3rd, 2010

Birthday parties are a great way to create memories. No matter the age, children love being the center of attention, and a birthday party is a great way to make your little one the star attraction. As you plan his birthday party, however, remember to make it age appropriate so that your child can be involved and enjoy it as much as possible. Pre-schoolers will appreciate parties which are short (no more than one and a half hours) and focusing on a single recognizable theme.

It’s always easier to plan a birthday party if you have selected a theme or a party idea. You may be inspired by your child’s favorite toy, cartoon or color. Many pre-schoolers have favorite cartoon characters which often show up on the products parents select for their use. If your child has more than one favorite, involve them in the selection of one or even two for a party theme. Speak with your child and find out what theme they would like to have for their party.

Children are often attracted to cartoon characters which quickly become favorites. Once you have decided on a theme, use it to decorate your venue and to select party items such as plates, cutlery, cakes and gift bags. Your pre-schooler will be excited to see their selection all over the party venue.

Parties which have a sport or game theme are great for toddlers. Children love to play games, and simple games can be a big part of making parties fun. So plan a games pre-school party. To allow children to compete in a fun way, you can organize them into groups and give prizes whether they win or not. Popular pre-school party games are traffic lights, Simon says and musical chairs.

Have a craft party. This can be as simple as coloring sheets or as complex as making their own necklaces. Be sure to have enough helping hands to lend assistance to your small guests. They can take their craft home with them to show mom and dad how much fun they had.

A costume party is also a great idea. Pre-schoolers will get the opportunity to dress up as their favorite cartoon character and live out their fantasy. Your decoration and party theme can reflect your toddler’s favorite costume.

You may also wish to plan a party around your child’s gender. Your little princess may enjoy having a Cinderella or Barbie birthday party and your son may enjoy being the host of a superhero party. Be sure to give their guests adequate notice so that they, too, can role play and have a great time. These party ideas are sure to make your pre-schooler feel special.

A puppet party is also a great idea for a pre-school. Source and hire a puppeteer who will liven up the party with a variety of puppet shows which will captivate your young party-goers. The puppeteer can use your child’s favorite character in his puppet show. Imagine the delight your child will experience.

As you select your theme for your toddler’s pre-school party, remember to plan activities he will enjoy. After all, every birthday party should be remembered.

Posted in Preschool | 1 Comment »

My Child is Questioning His Sexuality Thursday, July 1st, 2010

Sex is one of the most basic of human functions. As children grow, it becomes one of the great mysteries of life which they are eager to explore. Their own sexuality becomes an issue as they, too, realize that they are sexual beings.

Many children will never question their sexuality. They link their sexuality to their identified gender at birth. At birth they are identified by their physiology as being male or female and are treated accordingly by the members of their family and society. It is said that gender identification begins between eighteen (18) to thirty (30) months. Gender stabilization takes place later on as social interaction and role definition places clear distinctions on the expected behavior of males and females. Society then proceeds to define how the different genders relate sexually to each other. In more traditional settings male to female interaction is expected.

It cannot be disputed however, that there has been enormous development and variations to the norm in society. Distinctions between the male and female gender in many instances have become blurred, and there are even instances in which persons have declared themselves neither male nor female but androgynous. There are more instances in which children will see males taking on seemingly female traits and vice versa.

This has led to a wider range of choices as it relates to sexuality. Against this background, it is not unusual therefore to have children questioning their sexuality. Gender identification at birth is no longer enough to determine the sexuality of individuals. A wider range of choices has been opened up to both adults and children. For children who question their sexuality, it is not enough to say ‘well, you were born as a girl, therefore you are a girl’. It becomes insufficient because they can point to many instances in which persons who were born a particular gender have transformed themselves to the gender of their choice and assumed the identity and behavior of the opposite gender.

So what do you do when your child questions his sexuality? First, determine whether he’s passing through a phase or whether this is a more permanent issue. Questions about his sexuality may arise from exposure to lifestyles which are different from that to which you have exposed him. A frank discussion about his friends and activities may help you to determine why the questions are arising. Secondly, speak to a professional. This may mean talking first to a guidance or family counsellor whom you can trust to treat the matter sensitively. They should be able to refer you to a professional with whom you can share your concerns.

Thirdly, inform yourself. Read as much as you can on the subject matter. Share appropriate information with your child. Asking questions is natural. Help your child to find the answers he seeks. Be aware however, that some of the answers may not be the ones you are looking for. As you inform yourself more on the subject matter, the issue will become clearer to you and allow you to make better-informed decisions.

Lastly, seek support. You may find that you are not alone in facing these issues. A professional counsellor can recommend you to support groups. Understanding family members may also be a source of strength as you and your child wade through the issues of your child questioning his sexuality.

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