Awesome Parents Blogs

A parents’ separation will make you go through life somewhat like a storm. You may find yourself feeling depressed, tired, unable to concentrate, or even explosively angry at times. Or you may just feel numb. All of these are common reactions to an extreme situation.

However, thinking of it like a storm can help you in two ways. First, no storm lasts forever. The emotional turmoil you feel now will subside in time, as all storms do. And second, you can navigate your way through this storm. You don’t have to go under. But just as a ship in a storm must steer clear of the rocks, there are some rocklike dangers that can mean real trouble.

1. Setting your heart on your parents’ reconciliation. Christine remembers: “After they separated, my parents would take us out together sometimes. My sister and I would whisper to each other, ‘Let’s run ahead and leave those two together.’ “But,” she sighs, “I guess it didn’t work. They never did get back together.”

Remember, you cannot control what your parents do. You did not cause their separation, and in all likelihood you cannot step in and patch up their marriage either.

2. Feeling angry toward a parent. Anger and hatred may be the most lethal “rocks” you will face in this storm. Sonny recalls in his feelings at age 12: “I started to feel real anger toward my dad. I don’t like to use the word ‘hatred,’ but I had a terrible grudge. I couldn’t see how he could care about us if he left us. And I think I was saying inside that it’s my turn to let him know how I feel.”

Marital separation is rarely a mutual decision; so naturally, one parent may seem more blameworthy in your eyes. But in any case, how do you deal with the parent who seems more at fault? Should you hate that parent or try to avenge the wronged parent?

Remember first that a separation is almost never as simple as one parent being all “bad” and the other being all “good.” Your parents have probably not told you everything about their marriage or its breakup; they may not even understand it themselves. So avoid judging a situation about which you do not have the whole picture. Fortunately, God is the Judge of all such matters. He appoints you as neither the judge nor the punisher of your parents.

Granted, anger is hard to resist, and it is quite natural for you to feel upset right now. But nursing an angry and vengeful spirit can gradually poison your personality.

“Let your anger alone.” This is not suggesting that you pretend your anger doesn’t exist. If your parents’ actions have hurt you, why not try talking to them about it, respectfully opening their eyes to your point of views?

3. Handling the feeling of being torn between your parents. This can be an especially tricky “rock’ to skirt around. Tommy recalls: “The thing I dreaded most about visiting my dad was that my mom would question me intensely after each visit. And she really slanted things against him. I would say, ‘Come on, Mom! Why do you do this? Leave me alone!’ And she would get mad and force me to answer her questions.”

Sometimes parents use their children to carry angry messages from one to the other or even to spy on each other. It is unfair to you if your parents try to use you as a tool for revenge. But remember that they are going through tremendous emotional turmoil. So be as patient with them as you can. Talk to them. You may want to say, in essence, “Mom and Dad, I love you both. So please don’t use me to hurt each other.” Not that you should be uncooperative, refusing to carry any communication from one to the other. But if your parents get vindictive and vengeful, it is time to get out from between them.

By the same token, it would be hypocritical to play one parent against the other for your own advantage, saying things like: “I want to go live with Mom. She always lets me do what I want.” After separation, parents may feel very guilty about the stress they have caused their children and cling to them desperately. Children who are aware of the power they thus hold over their parents may be tempted to use it. But surely you don’t want to be manipulative.

If your child displays musical prowess, then it is your responsibility as a parent to harness that ability so that their potential is fully realized.  Your support is vital to them as they strive for mastery of their musical gift.  Make the experience come alive by showing them how, by exploring and using their gifts, they will learn lessons of perseverance, dedication and self-fulfillment which, while interlaced with disappointments, will prove to be lasting life lessons.  Let’s look at some practical steps you can take to encourage them along the way.

Find a good teacher to help them with instrument or with voice training.  The right teacher and training will ensure that they learn the correct methods and have a good foundation on which to launch.  If possible, once you are sure that you have found the right teacher, sit in on a couple lessons to see how your child interacts with the teacher.  Make sure the teacher sets goals and charts a path of progress so that your child does not become frustrated.

Ensure that your child practices every day.  Music is one of those gifts for which practice is important.  The rule of thumb is to practice for at least half-an-hour each day.  It is said that consistency creates perfection so rather than practice for 3 hours once a week, encourage your child to set aside some time each day.  Try and make the practice time enjoyable, set up a specific area at home and a particular time of day for practice.

Take part in the process by applauding their efforts but never criticize their play.  Learning an instrument or learning to sing are areas which take a lot of practice and children will experience a fair amount of highs and lows.   They can sometimes become discouraged and frustrated when they fail.  When that happens, remind them of how well they have been progressing and let them understand that anything worth achieving takes time and effort.  When your child has to practice, (especially if they are very young), you can probably sit with them and ask them to perform what they have learned during lessons.

Take them to see live performances of professional or amateur musicians.  This will be a great influence as they observe positive role models that they can look to for motivation.  It is good to expose them to a wide range of music such as jazz, opera, ethnic, pop, country or folk music.

Get the whole family and friends involved in and talking about music.  Make it fun.  If your child has friends that are also musicians encourage them to form a band; this will add another dimension and they will view practice more as play time.  Take them to visit a museum that has a collection of musical instruments; this will arouse their interest and help them to appreciate the history behind the instrument.

Encourage your child to play in the school band or chorus.  This will not only help to develop their gifts but also improve their knowledge of music. In addition, it will aid in the development of their craft and help them to gain confidence when they perform for an audience.

As your child becomes a more proficient musician, it is important to be let them know how well they are doing and how proud you are of them.  Look for signs of setbacks, encourage them when they fail, and ensure that they continue to enjoy the journey of making the most of their musical gifts.

Taking advantage of a child’s sponge like mind when they are young will only help them to evolve, and a child learning how to navigate around the kitchen is certainly no different.  Not only do they have an opportunity to hang out with you, but they are learning a valuable skill that will always be needed.

Common sense must be used in this endeavor due to safety aspects that exist in the kitchen.  Obviously knives, hot appliances, and hot food are all things that need to be under a close eye when teaching children at any age, but more so with smaller children.  However, there are other helpful things a smaller child can do such as stirring and prepping ingredients, counting eggs, measuring ingredients, etc.

You must keep in mind that, in the end, there will be a mess.  More than likely the process will take longer to prepare, the measurements will probably be off the mark, and they might not look like store bought cookies. But it doesn’t matter.  The cookies might not even turn out the greatest, but above all else…it’s fun!  Most importantly, assure the kids they did a good job and present zero negativity in the process.

The older they become the more sophisticated and creative you can get with your children.  Design or find a specific recipe that you can hand down and have your child cook it.  Allow them to make modifications or additions, in the process fueling their creativity.  Aside from that, we all know eating at home is a much healthier alternative.  You know exactly what was put in the food and how it got there.

The skill of cooking is something that will be with your children forever.  We all need to eat no matter who we are.  Teaching children at a young age will open their eyes to where food comes from, how it’s made, and what can be used together to make unique recipes.  A bonus to this whole process is that your child will begin to appreciate the time you spend in the kitchen preparing food.

When a child learns to cook, they will also acquire the ability to try something new.  They will also learn about vitamins, minerals, calories, trans fats, and other elements of food that too many people are unaware of.  Not relying on someone to put food in front of you can save you frustration, money, and overall health.  Who knows?  Maybe in the end of the learning process your child will take direction from cooking and be the next Rachel Ray or Emeril.

Since the advent of the internet and the increased popularity of its usage in everyday life, many have discovered its potential harm to children. If you want to protect your children from the negative aspects of the internet, you should set rules and guidelines. It is unreasonable to ban them from the use of the internet seeing that it is a useful tool to have, so limiting their access and teaching them what you think is appropriate is the right approach.

Though the internet is great for keeping in contact with people around the world as well as providing information useful for school and other purposes, it can present negative situations for their users. Not only does it expose children to offensive language and behaviors, but it may detract from a child’s development in terms of school, physical activity and social activities. As a result, you should ensure that time limits for internet usage are set in place and adhered to.

Limiting their access is achievable by setting parental controls. Parental controls allow you to block certain websites and email addresses, set time limits for use and prohibit the search of specified words. Parental controls should be discussed with your child before you implement them. This will aid their understanding of the potential dangers. It will also make them aware of websites you believe are inappropriate. Setting realistic limits is achievable by getting on the internet and seeing for yourself how it is used.

When setting guidelines, an important thing to consider is the location of the computer. If you want to keep a watchful eye on what your kids are doing online, it’s not a good idea to put the computer in their bedroom or any other location where a parent won’t be a constant parental presence. A recommended location is in the family room with the screen facing outward so you can easily monitor what is going on.

You should make it clear to your children that people on the internet aren’t always who they portray themselves to be and may pose a danger to them. They should also be taught that issuing personal information such as their name, home address, telephone number banking information, and passwords can lead to financial scams or bullying or worse! They should never try to keep secrets about anything that they deem as threatening or worrying away from you. For instance, cyber bullying must be reported to you as you can filter the addresses with the parental control list.

As a parent, you have full rights to check the history folder on the browser to check on what websites they have been visiting. You can also share your child’s email account and password if necessary. You can use online parental tools to route your child’s email first to your account so you can do your own filtering.

Following the tips mentioned above should be a sufficient means of keeping your children safe online. But in the event that their safety has been compromised, you can contact your internet service provider. They can be helpful if your child stumbles upon unsuitable content or has been exposed to inappropriate online contact. You should also update filtering software that protects against unsuitable internet access on a regular basis.

Parents, listen up: a good breakfast is a prerequisite to learning. Nutritious meals in the morning are essential for children to perform well in school and have active social lives as they grow up. Breakfast provides at least a quarter of a child’s energy for the day. Thus, if breakfast were missed, the child will be less alert and his learning potential substantially diminished.

When an inadequately nourished kid goes to school, he is likely to be more irritable and anxious, less inquisitive, tires quicker, less physically active, and not very sociable. Children who have empty, rumbling stomachs certainly will find it difficult to concentrate on their lessons.

On top of ensuring a full stomach, it is important to give children the right kind of foods at breakfast, since not all foods are created equal.

A healthy meal for children at the start of the day will positively impact learning. Studies have shown that students who have a nutritious breakfast have higher test scores and have generally better  performance than their counterparts who didn’t eat breakfast.

A healthy breakfast contains complex carbohydrates in the form of grains such as oatmeal, brown rice, cereals, proteins from meats, beans and nuts; fiber and vitamins from fruits and vegetables; and calcium and other minerals from milk, cheese and yogurt.

Fiber from complex carbohydrates creates the feeling of fullness, thereby ensuring mental alertness, while the glucose that you get from this food group is used by the brain as fuel during mental activity.

Researchers on a study of oatmeal, which is a prime example of food with  high complex carbohydrates, compared the effects of eating oatmeal or cereal at breakfast or having no breakfast at all, on the cognitive performance of 30 middle-income students. Over a three-week time frame, the students were asked to take tests minutes after eating their assigned breakfast. Those who didn’t have breakfast were also asked to take the mental examination.

The first study found out that among children ages six to eight, spatial memory skills (which are essential for subjects like math and geography) increased by almost 50% after eating oatmeal for breakfast as compared to having no breakfast at all. Forty-six percent of the children also improved their skills after eating oatmeal compared to when they ate cereals.

The second study found out that among children ages nine to 11 years old, 68 percent performed better when they ate oatmeal compared to those who didn’t have any breakfast.

The study cited the whole grain, high fiber, and high protein content of oatmeal as significantly affecting spatial memory performance. The study revealed that oatmeal, which is slow and continued release of glucose into the bloodstream and enhances cognitive performance.

Other emerging research confirms that oatmeal, or complex carbohydrates -in general, are best for the brain because they contain fiber that resists digestion, slowing its breakdown and the subsequent release of sugars into the bloodstream. This slow and even absorption of sugar is highly beneficial to the brain, as it performs better on a minimal yet constant supply of sugar.

So if you’re a parent planning a healthy breakfast menu for your children, don’t fail to include oatmeal into the diet. Oats, in almost all forms—rolled, old-fashioned, quick cooking, and even instant, is readily available for that hearty bowl of oatmeal or as ingredient to great-tasting and nutrition-packed recipes.