Awesome Parents Blogs


What to do when the police knock on your door

September 24th, 2010

When you become a parent you can expect many joyful moments raising a child, but their certainly are just as many surprises guiding a child and how you handle them will determine what type of parent and disciplinarian you desire to be. When children are smaller they get in trouble for trivial situations and it is merely a part of growing up and attempting to push boundaries. As children get older they continue to push those boundaries and it is the duty of the parent to decide if they will allow the child to continue breaking rules or not. Teenagers can end up in some troublesome scenarios and even get tangled up in the law or a visit to the principal’s office, and just as a precaution every parent should know what to do when the police knock on your door.

The first thing is not to panic even though that may seem like an instant reaction that is unpreventable, you must keep your composure and be realistic about the situation. It is imperative to remain calm and listen to what the police officers have to relay to you as the parent as there will be plenty of time to react later. Depending on the complexity of what your child has engaged in to get into trouble, being angry and thinking irrationally will get you nowhere. Naturally, every parent in this situation will be upset, angry and even sad, but formulating a plan to repair the situation is the priority at this time.

image What to do when the police knock on your door
Before you consult with your child regarding the occurrence, you need to retrace their steps when the trouble began. If your child went out with friends yesterday and engaged in some form of mischief, then think about how they acted and presented themselves to you prior to leaving the house that day. If they appeared worried or not themselves then you know they anticipated the event taking place prior to leaving. That is the best case scenario for a parent to work with, this implies that your child knew what they were getting into and still went which provides you with a base to discuss the issue. Speak to them regarding better decision making skills and how important it is to surround themselves with people that don’t place them in those types of situations. Formulate a plan of consequences that is firm enough to ensure this type of activity doesn’t occur again. It’s one thing to have your child fight with their siblings or another child in school, it’s a completely different ballgame when the police are involved and they come to your home.

The route of discipline you elect to take will set the tone for how often your child will be likely to engage in such activity later down the line. It will also make a statement for any younger siblings living in the home to not mirror such behavior as it will not be tolerated. It is completely normal for all children to push limits and in many cases it is cry for attention. Spend more time with your child and try to always talk to them openly and voice their concerns regarding peer pressure and how to avoid becoming a victim of it.



Understanding your Teenage Child

August 8th, 2010

8318 130052469077 83761889077 2334722 6759777 n 300x225 Understanding your Teenage ChildThere are many different things that happen to a person when they are a teenager. A lot of adults and parents will find that once their child reaches the age of around 13 or 14, they will start to become a little moody and will be much more difficult to handle. A lot of parents don’t really handle their teenage children in a good way, and will often get angry with them if they are not doing as they are told or are being moody. We have to remember however, that the teenager cannot help this; this is due to a change inside the childs body. Basically, being a teenager is the process that we all need to go through in order to become an adult, so of course there will be many changes.

At this fragile age, the teenager’s brains are still developing, especially in terms of reasoning skills and skills that allow them to make sense of everything. We must remember that we all had to go through this difficult time and that it is not as easy as we may remember.

One of the main things that you will notice when your child becomes a teenagers is that it will seem like they have become lazy and will often sleep well into the day. Although this might look to us adults like your child has just decided not to do anything with his/her time, it cannot be helped. On average, teenagers will need around 9 and a half hours sleep per night, this is much more than a fully developed adult needs and it is due to the cognitive development of the brain.

So before you ‘have a go’ at your child for being moody or for staying in bed until the early hours of the afternoon, just remember that you need to treat them in a fragile manner.



Your Child’s First Part-Time Job

August 6th, 2010

fastfoodgirlcropped 213x300 Your Child’s First Part Time JobPart of teaching our kids responsibility is to develop their skills of successfully juggling different aspects of life. We give them chores, encourage them to join extracurricular activities and ensure that their school work is on track. However, there is one very important aspect missing and that’s employment.

Kids these days represent a large segment of the marketplace. Teens spend $100 billion dollars a year while children under 12 spend $11 billion. But where do they get the money from? For many, their parents provide the majority of money spent in these purchases and others find the source of money from working part time jobs.

If your child approaches you and tells you that they found a job selling at the concession stand at the local movie theater, don’t be surprised. Having money to buy clothes, CDs and food is top priority for these youngsters. But as a parent you may have second thoughts about their enthusiasm for working. You may think that it may interfere with other responsibilities. This article will address some issues that parents may have about their child’s first part time job and offer advice that will keep both you and your child afloat amidst a sea of expectations.

A job at a young age can teach valuable skills which will be beneficial in college and in the preparation of a career in adulthood. For instance, it teaches responsibility and encourages independence. It also gives them basic work skills and let’s face it, it looks good on a college application and a resume for after college when they are ready to venture into real jobs. With the right job, it may set your child on the path to a lifetime career.

Another skill that is learned with a part time job is money management. Kids will realize that money doesn’t grow on trees when they have to earn it themselves. Better care will be taken in spending money and this will be beneficial to them in the future with managing their finances. Discuss preparing a budget that incorporates saving. This is a good avenue to approach investment and financial management.

It is also relieving to know that after school your child is being supervised by adults especially when both parents work outside the home. What you should be aware of though is that some studies have shown that working long hours can expose kids to dangerous activities such as alcohol use partly due to being around older co-workers who may negatively influence them. As a combatant to the occurrence of such situations, you should make it a point to visit the work site and meet the supervisor to get an idea of what the work environment is like and to let the supervisor know that you are monitoring the situation.

Lower grades are linked to working 13 to 20 hours a week. And, putting in too many hours at work will impact a child’s ability to successfully engage in extracurricular activities and socializing. A solution to this problem is to limit the work hours your child clocks in until he/she persuades you that other aspects of life will not fall to the wayside.

Given this information, as a parent you must monitor your child’s work hours. The law itself has requirements for working children but you as a parent have other concerns. You can provide guidance and explain to your child the importance of maintaining the other elements of his/her life such as good grades, household responsibilities and extracurricular programs.



How and When to Explain Puberty

August 4th, 2010

puberty1 How and When to Explain PubertyAs a parent, you shouldn’t expect your child to approach you about topics related to puberty. First, your child may not know it is okay for them to talk to you about it and they may feel that they already know what is necessary. Kids get information from TV, magazines and other people but as you cannot guarantee the reliability of these sources, you should take the time to approach the subject yourself.

The perfect time to start feeding them information about this topic is around age 8. Some may feel like this age is too young but isn’t it a fact that some girls are in training bras by this age? You should be able to then tell them about the physical and emotional changes linked to puberty. After all, they will be curious anyway about these changes and may go to inappropriate sources to answer their questions.

Another reason to start discussions from as early as age 8 is because you can never be sure when a girl will start menstruating (ages range from early as 9 to as late as 16). Just like an adult where you want to be properly prepared before major events such as purchasing a new house or giving birth, a child will need to know the key aspects of menstruating so that when she gets her period for the first time, she won’t be startled; especially since she will be bleeding from what may seem like a strange place. As it relates to boys, they may begin to start developing sexually without even sprouting their first pubic or facial hair. On an average, this may between the ages of 11 to 12.

The process of puberty can be scary and certain changes may leave your child feeling unconfident. You may be able to relate as I can when my breasts started to grow and I had a large chest by age 11. I felt insecure considering that none of my friends were as large as I was. I also felt like they wouldn’t stop growing and it just felt unnatural. I would as a result “hide” my chest by wearing baggy t-shirts. That time of my life was confusing and it would have helped if I was made aware that I would grow into them and wouldn’t end up looking like the lady at church with DD breasts that sagged to her navel. I really wished that I would have known this but instead I would get teased by both my sister and mother about it. No hard feelings though as I know they meant no harm. But it reinforces my point of offering reassurance that these changes are standard and that they aren’t the only ones going through this.

When it is the appropriate time to start discussions, there are certain topics to cover. They are:

  • The bodily changes that will occur such as pubic and facial hair, girls developing hips, the growth of breasts, possible acne and the increase in sweating
  • Boys may have wet dreams (ejaculating in their sleep)
  • What it means to menstruate and the stages of a menstrual cycle
  • How to use a tampon and/or sanitary napkins (pads)

Reassure your child that you are available to talk but you may need to initiate the conversation as they may feel embarrassed. It can also be uncomfortable for the parent but if you properly prepare on the subject and practice answering the questions beforehand, then it won’t be so bad. You know that this is an important conversation to have, let your child know that too.



How to Enforce Curfews for your Teen

August 2nd, 2010

curfew2.s600x600 300x199 How to Enforce Curfews for your TeenTeens can be combative about issues like curfew. You want them to be safe and they want to stay out late with their friends. At times there are negotiations involved like if they turn in their assignments on time, they can stay out late on Saturday or something to that effect. But the question remains, how do you win the constant battle of enforcing curfews?

If your teen makes claims about friends being able to stay out later than they do, don’t hesitate to ask other parents. More than likely, these kids are staying out later than their curfews anyway. If you are contemplating increasing curfew hours, you should consider that the chances of your teen getting into trouble will be increased as well. For instance, having a shorter curfew can discourage teens from travelling long distances to hang out with people from neighborhoods you aren’t familiar with.

As a parent, it is advisable not to stifle your child’s will for independence. You should find a compromise that allows your teen to have some freedom but that gives you a sense of security. One such way is by creating a contract. This involves sitting down to compare both wants and expectations. Just as in a contract, guidelines should be set as well as actionable consequences for not following these guidelines. You should involve your teen in establishing these guidelines that way he/she feels that it is fair seeing as though they played a part in creating it. Pre-set guidelines also prevent the parent from over-reacting when curfews are broken as they refer to the contract to know what consequences will follow.

Before setting guidelines, you should consider your teen. For instance, if your teen is usually responsible and is accepting of rules, they may be able to deal with the responsibility of a later curfew. On the other hand, a teenager who neglects responsibilities and is known for getting into trouble will require tighter reigns to discourage further incidents of getting into trouble. If they are able to stick to their curfew then this signals that they are ready for dealing with the added responsibility of staying out later. Even though the parent should have an idea of what the child will be like in handling a curfew, the teen should be able to have a say in the final decision.

A good way to discourage breaking curfew, is to make an appearance at the location your teen says he/she is if they fail to show up on time. This is embarrassing enough to prevent a teen from doing this again.

Encourage your teen to call you if they will be coming home late. When they do, refrain from yelling and threatening them as they may not be able to trust you when they are making an attempt do the right thing. If a situation occurs that seems like a reasonable excuse to be late, make an exception. However, don’t fall prey to constant excuses.

The aim is to develop mutual trust and respect. This is feasible by constant communication and following through on promises. As a parent it is up to you to teach your teen this and start from an early age.



Strategies to Help Get your Teen Out of Bed in the Morning

July 31st, 2010

3241942029 d0650750ac 300x300 Strategies to Help Get your Teen Out of Bed in the MorningMore times than not, teens have to be forced, coaxed and threatened to get out of bed in the mornings. Research indicates that teenagers need about as much sleep as babies. With the balancing of school, work, sports and friends, however, they don’t get as much time to sleep the days away. With the need for so much sleep, they should go to bed from as early as 8:00pm but unfortunately, they may stay up late doing homework. No wonder then that they can’t wake up in the mornings.

You can insist that they start their homework as soon as they get home. If homework takes 2 to 3 hours to complete, then starting at 7:00 wont get them in bed early enough. After school work is complete, then time can be given to other activities. It is not a good idea though to engage in physical activity as this will release endorphins making it more difficult to fall asleep. They should instead find activities that allow them to unwind. It seems like setting a lot of restrictions but eventually, when a routine is set, it becomes a lot easier to follow.

….Then the weekend comes and the routine is thrown out of whack. After all the progress of sticking with the routine, it gets blown by them having a rowdy weekend. There is no school and so they push to stay up late but you have to insist that they not stray from the routine too much over the weekend. When they are able to prove they can wake up in the weekday mornings, then they will be allowed to stay up later on weekends.

You may understand about your child needing sleep but you have to instill in them a sense of responsibility. This will only groom and prepare them for the future. When they start working, their boss won’t be as understanding as you are about having a constantly late employee show up for work. You will have to enforce the discipline and consequences it takes for them to get out of bed early from now.

A good strategy is to set an alarm clock and place it across the room. The more annoying the better and it would help if you were able to change the sound once in awhile as they may become used to the sound. You may also want to consider turning down the thermostat a little in the winter season. This will give them a slight chill in the mornings, just enough to help them wake up.

Lastly, you can link rewards and consequences to waking up early. For example, if they are hoping to get the privilege of going to a concert on the weekend, they can if they can get themselves awake for school. You can use this as a coax like, “remember that concert?, you still want to go don’t you?” Then after about one or two reminders, you can say, “if I have to come in here one more time for you, there will be no concert.”

This issue is usually a sore spot for parents as it becomes very frustrating. Follow these tips to get your teens to bed early and make the waking up process a lot easier. You will appreciate the resulting benefits.



How to Help Your Child cope with Stress

July 29th, 2010

Blog Stress Children How to Help Your Child cope with StressIsn’t childhood a time of toys and play, a time of laughter and fun? For many children the answer is, no. “Childhood as a time of undiluted pleasure is a fiction concocted by adults,” claims one expert. Countless children today are victims of enormous turmoil. Unable to find healthy ways of dealing with their distress, some vainly attempt to suppress their anxiety. But pent-up stress eventually finds an outlet. For some, anxiety that cannot be talked out will result in physical illness or delinquent behavior. For others, stress will be turned inward by means of self-destructive acts, including self-inflicted injuries, eating disorders, substance abuse, and even suicide.

Help your children cope.

•           Keep the dialogue going. Never assume that because the child is silent, he is taking it well or adjusting. He may simply be bottling up anxiety and suffering in silence.

Dialogue is a lifeline between parent and child. It is especially vital when there has been some sort of traumatic event in the family. However the parent should not do all the talking. The word ‘dialogue’ indicates that two or more speakers are involved. It is advantageous to let a child express himself. Parents who tend to monopolize the conversation makes children grow impatient. If a child cannot talk out his problems when they develop, he may act them out later.

Dialogue is important when discipline is needed. Parents will know a child’s feeling about the correction. He understands why it is being given. Rather than simply telling the child how he should feel, find out what is in his heart. Reason with him so that he can be guided to the proper conclusion.

•           Acknowledge the child’s feelings. Don’t ignore whatever it is that bothers your child. Some parents stifle dialogue with such statements as: “Stop your crying.” “You shouldn’t feel that way.” “It isn’t really that bad.”

This will keep the dialogue going. “I see that something has made you worry.” “You look really upset.” “I know you must be disappointed.”

•           Empathize. Parents should recall their own childhood fears, even the irrational ones. Yes, they easily forget the pains and anxieties they themselves experienced while growing up. Therefore, they often minimize the stresses their children feel.

Since most adults view a child’s world from their own frame or reference, it is difficult for them to imagine any life but their own as stressful. Parents must remember what it was like to face the loss of a pet, the death of a friend, the move to a new neighborhood. Remembering is a key to empathy.

•           Set the right example. How your child handles stress depends to a great extent upon how you as a parent handle it. When you reduce stress by resorting to violence, and then do not be surprised when your child acts out his anxiety in a similar way. Also a child can’t be open and trusting when a parent is deeply disturbed and suffering in silence. Are stressful feelings so hidden in your household that they are denied rather than acknowledged and worked out? Then do not be startled by the physical and emotional toll it may take on your child, for any attempt to bury anxiety will normally only increase the severity of its expression.



Safety Habits for Your Kids This Summer

July 27th, 2010

682734982 76400556f4 300x199 Safety Habits for Your Kids This SummerWhen kids are having a great time at the beach or elsewhere, they sometimes don’t realize that they are already thirsty. That can be dangerous especially during the hot summer months, since thirst is not a reliable indicator of dehydration. Kids have a different thirst mechanism from an adult’s. When a child says she is thirsty, she has already lost three to four percent of her body fluids! It is therefore important to let your child drink at least 20 minutes before allowing her to go outdoors. Make sure that she drinks four to eight ounces of liquids for every 15 to 30 minutes of physical activity.

Aside from plain water, let your child drink flavored fluids. Studies show that drinking flavored and salted beverages increases voluntary drinking by 90 percent as compared with water.

When you take your child to the zoo, be careful about what he does while enjoying the animals. If you will allow a child to pet or feed the animals, do not let him munch on finger foods. Most of all; let the child wash his hands thoroughly before you take a break for some snacks. Your child can get contaminated with E. coli even by animals that appear to be healthy.

Teach youngsters to walk facing oncoming traffic and to remember that a car driver cannot always see a child just because the child can see the car!

If your child suffers from summer itching and you have run out of itch cream, you can use ice instead. Wrap an ice cube in a cellophane bag. The cold will numb the senses and remove the sensation of itching.

Monitor the movements of your kids when traveling. Kids are most prone to safety risks when traveling. This is because they are not in a better position to understand what is safe and deal with danger when confronted by such. They may not even be aware that danger is always a possibility in anything he/she does while traveling.

Train your kids to be safe kids. Watch over them when traveling. The best way to do this is to assign a trusted adult to watch over a group of kids.



Why You Should Consider Limiting the Amount of T.V. Your Child Watches

July 25th, 2010

tv 300x201 Why You Should Consider Limiting the Amount of T.V. Your Child WatchesThe concept of TV seems harmless. In fact, how many of us are guilty of allowing our children to watch TV all day without engaging them in other activities? It seems easier to have the TV entertain our kids while we do a million and one activities around the house. But how much thought is given to the harmful effects that TV has on our children’s development?

TV has a large impact on the development of intelligence. Research shows that it interferes with the development of thinking abilities and imagination.  This is largely due to the fact that learning from TV does not require much mental effort to process what is learned. Unlike reading a book which takes the mental ability to process what is read and interpret and apply. Additionally, children that have been socialized to watch a lot of TV tend to read less as they are used to being given information from the television. In other words, they are being given information in an oversimplified way.

Allowing kids to use other resources in entertaining themselves can enhance their imaginations. This is because they have the chance to think about what is they are doing. For instance, if you read them a story, they have to visualize the content in order to grasp what is happening. Even spending time outdoors can achieve this as they have the opportunity to explore and think about the scenery. Encouraging a child’s imagination is very important to their adult years as it teaches them to be resourceful and may help with them succeeding.

TV has two stimuli which are sound and image. When children are constantly exposed to only sound and image, they get used to this environment and will expect it in other environments. One such environment is school. School however will entail public speaking, listening, reading, and thinking. These activities may not be as stimulating as what the child is used to when watching TV. As a result boredom is a side-effect.

Speaking skills will also go underdeveloped when too much time is spent watching TV. Hearing new words from TV is not comparable to speaking and learning to articulate. Spending time watching TV limits the amount of time spent talking and relating. You should make an effort to talk to your child by having discussions. Discussing issues and asking them questions will enable them to think and articulate their thoughts better than a child that just sits and watches TV all day.

Excessively placing your child in front of the TV has an adverse effect on social skills. Other than the fact that a lot of research has proven that certain kinds of TV shows encourage aggressive behavior, another effect is the lack of ability to relate to others. Frequent and positive interaction with not just peers but persons of different ages, will better prepare your child for adulthood. They will be able to socialize and communicate with a diversity of individuals. This skill is necessary for networking and future career advancements.

In conclusion, it is apparent that excessive TV watching can interfere with your child’s progress in terms of intelligence and social skills. With this in mind, it is recommended that a limit be posed on TV viewing and more time be spent on social and intellectual activities.



How to Help Your Child Accept a New Baby

July 23rd, 2010

NewBaby 300x240 How to Help Your Child Accept a New BabyBringing home a new baby can be a terrific or horrific experience for an older sibling. Being used to the idea of being an only child and getting all the attention is suddenly out the door. In some cases it may mean extra work for the older sibling. It would be difficult then to find the upside of this change in the household.

All of a sudden there is competition for attention and there may even be bad behavior as a result. The older sibling may even feel forced to grow up faster. As a parent, you may feel guilty and unsure of how to remedy the situation so that adequate time is devoted to all your children.

The answer to this problem starts from before the new baby arrives home. Describe to your child what will happen at each stage, before, during and after the baby is born. Additionally, you shouldn’t give the impression that the baby will be a playmate or a best friend initially, as the baby will do nothing but sleep, eat, cry and observe. You should also explain that when the baby cries, it is through no fault of the younger child.

Give the older sibling the opportunity of assisting with naming the new baby. You can make a list of names that you wouldn’t mind the baby having. Another way they can help is by assisting with the design of the nursery. Maybe they can help pick the color of the room or maybe they can go shopping with you to pick up a couple of things for the baby’s room. Ensure to use at least one of their suggestions and let them know what a great job they did of choosing. It would also be worthwhile to allow them to be present at the birth of the baby.

When the baby settles in, find positive ways of having the siblings interact. You can supervise the older child holding the baby, you can let him/her read or sing to the baby. If your child displays negative behaviors, try as much as possible to ignore it. You don’t want to feed their need for attention when they do things that are wrong. They may feel that the way to get you to notice them is by acting out.

Don’t make your child feel less important than the baby. For instance, if the baby starts crying while you are spending quality time with big brother or sister, don’t run away to tend to the baby. Sometimes the baby has to wait a little just like when the older sibling has to sometimes wait when you’re attending to the baby.

In some cases, younger children don’t quite understand that the baby isn’t going anywhere. You should therefore stick to as much of the normal family routine as possible. Don’t let your child suffer because the new baby arrived. You should also have fun family activities. Do things that the entire family can share in. Your older child may develop feelings of resentment if he/she thinks that the baby is preventing the family from having fun together.

Helping your older child/children transition to the new family dynamic starts from the time you find out that you are pregnant. It is a continuous process that requires effort and patience but will be beneficial to the whole family.