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Posts Tagged ‘unconditional love’

My Kid Seems to Hate Me – Now What? Monday, May 10th, 2010

Ah, the honeymoon days of childhood, when your child thinks that there’s nothing you can’t do and nothing you don’t know. You’re her biggest hero, and all is well with the world.

Then the teenage years arrive.

Now, your kid thinks that you’re dumber than dirt and grew up in the stone age. You can’t do anything right, you don’t know anything about anything, and the soil outside in the garden has more seeming worth in her eyes than you do. What happened, and what do you do now?

As strange as it may seem, you have seen this before. Remember the “terrible twos”, when every suggestion you made was met with a shouted “NO!”? Psychologically, this is pretty much the same thing; your child is exercising her independence of thought. This isn’t a bad thing, but it can be difficult to deal with.

Try and remember that this is a normal, integral part of growing up. At this point in their lives, teens are beginning the process of separating from their parents and family, and developing their own individuality. They’re not rejecting you, even though it appears that way. They’re striking out on the path of finding their own identities. They’re putting the bricks and mortar into the foundation of their “self”.

Even though it appears as though your children are rejecting you, whatever you do, don’t reject them in return. They need to internalize the fact that you love them, and you love the person they’re becoming, even if the growing pains are hard on you as well as them. Deep inside, your teen knows that he or she still needs you. They might die before admitting it aloud, but they know it just the same. Rejecting or abandoning them now will just teach them that they’re unlovable, and they’ll start building walls instead of foundations.

However – if you child gets truly nasty with you, don’t hesitate to correct that bad behavior. Just because they don’t agree with you – and that’s probably a given – they don’t have the right to treat you with disrespect, curse at you, or become antagonistic. Manners are manners, and they’ll need them later in life, just as they will a healthy self-respect. Remember Thumper’s Mom? “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all”? Not a bad tenant to teach your child. They’ll thank you for that one later.

Whatever the teenager dishes out, do your best to weather the storms. Stay calm, and hold to the mantra that “this, too, shall pass”. It really will, and you’ll find that your teen has developed into someone you can be proud of.

Being a Parent to a Teenager Friday, March 26th, 2010

While there are ups and downs to all the stages of parenting, the teenage years prove to be especially challenging. With all of the physical and emotional changes that occur during this period of tremendous growth, many teens experience feelings of confusion, loneliness, and even depression, which can cause their relationships with their parents or guardians to become strained. If you are the parent of a teenager who is finding it difficult to build a stable, mutually loving and respectful relationship with your child, then you are going to want to read this article at is provides useful parenting tips.
During your child’s teenage years, your teenager isn’t the only one going through a difficult transition. Having your son or daughter grow and mature from a child into a young adult is a complicated transition for you as the parent as well. You may be finding it difficult dealing with the idea that “your baby” is no longer a baby and that he or she is blossoming into a young man or woman. As your child becomes more adult-like and independent, you may be tempted to impede their growth by coddling them more, or on the flip side, imposing strict rules to restrict their autonomy. Of course, neither of these courses of action is recommended. What you want to do is try to find a happy medium where you allow your child certain liberties, but at the same time, let them know that with more independence comes more responsibility, and if they can’t handle these responsibilities, then there will be consequences.
A very important aspect of parenting a teenager is establishing open lines of communication. Rather than lecturing your teen or talking down to them, treat them more like an equal and launch your discussions as open dialogues where both you and your teenager are active listeners and participants. As you are talking, try not to come across like you are lecturing your teen. Even if you do not agree with what your teen has to say, it is important to allow their voice to be heard. Discuss the topics that you disagree about, tell them why you disagree without imposing your views as absolute. This will allow your teenager to learn better decision-making skills.
Setting aside a designated time a few times a week to talk with your teen is a great idea. Even if they would rather spend that time hanging out with their friends, you want your teen to know that you love them unconditionally and that you will always be there for them. With hectic work and social schedules, it can be easy for a child to feel like their parent doesn’t want to make time for them or that they are not a priority in their parent’s life. A parent who makes it known that they are available to their teen to talk and listen, even for just 15 uninterrupted minutes, is going to be on their way to building a stable and loving relationship with their child.
Another helpful parenting tip is to become aware of the behavioral patterns of teenagers today. Given the widespread use of the Internet and the power of the media, it is important for parents to pay attention to the content of what their teens are looking at and reading. Both the Internet and media can have a huge impact on the behavior and lifestyle choices that a teenager makes. As a result, parents should be mindful of what kinds of effects these outside influences are having on their child.

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